HUIXUANNN Monday, December 21, 2009
21 December 2009, Mondayyuck, its monday again. dont have enough sleep at all. ): anyway, i really have to do coding in school la. if not i go home sure wont do. LOL! haha. okay la. gotta do work. need loads of motivation. i realised i cannot concentrate while listening to korean music. ._. seriously. too many songs are like club songs. LOL. hahahaha. okayys le. go work!!! byeee.
9:38 AM
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Update:19 December 2009, Saturday
urgh, people around me are going overseas. zzzzz. this is sickening. LOL. i want to go too. i wna go taiwan + korea + japan. wna go buy loads of clothes from taiwan, go around and explore korea, and tokyo!! (: dont have $ to go right now. everything need save $.
im really gna work hard & save more $. everything needs $ badly. urgh. i wanted to go work part time and have fyp at e same time, but then its like so hard. i dont want my body to overwork. if not im gna be sick and obviously when you overwork your body your lifespan gna be shorter and ll have more health problems. LOL.
gna save up for Uni now. I guess i really have to control my spending le. this few months have been spending $ like unlimited paper. lol. i need to get some spare $ to invest to somewhere too. if not just by saving up its gna take me ages. gg to SIM is so damn ex.
oh yes, and i have been tolerating some matters for some time. i really hate it. really, im super fucked up with it. i dont want to let others decide how im suppose to live my life. i know, sometimes its unavoidable in the society, but i dont think this is necessary for close people to decide for me, without asking my opinions, they just thought they can decide for me. why should i let you decide for me? im not dead, not invisible, not air. i can decide for myself. although i admit, in the past i usually decide based on relationships. i can just give in to others if they are close to me. i dont mind eating just fries while they are eating things that i dont. i dont mind because we're close. i dont mind to give in to everybody who is close with me. friends are important to me. but as i grow, i realise, sometimes people just take it for granted, dont appreciate, and all. this is why, i have now try not to give in to people who dont deserve.
i can treat you really well, but if you dont appreciate then get lost. i dont want to care much for you anymore. people do hate it when they have different treatment back to them. especially when its so much worse. i do too, not exceptional. especially on human relationships, im very careful about this. if its a few times, i dont mind, but please not all the time. it really makes me sick.
sighs. im at home all day again. boredness. /: need do writings later. S: andandand i really really want to take up singing + dance. sighs. you know what? i've been thinking about co since that day i met laoshi at shopping arcade. i feel sad. esp when he ask me if i did go to the concert. lol. im saying the truth. im not scare to say it out. its not i dont want to go. its someone dont want me to go, and tell me the tickets are only for performers, i cannot go. i know its bullshit, i just dont want argue with you anymore only. i can get tickets from elsewhere, not neccessary have to be from you. its just that im lazy to fight on for it. what for man? since you so dont want to see me there, so be it. you really think i want to go? its not because of you, that i want to go. its because of conductor, of the passion i have for music that i want to go and watch that concert.
its not because i dont like co, or im lazy thats why i dont turn up for co. its because of some people. i know, they are having loads of fun, because they only include their own clique. thats why, me and sharon and others will feel this co is shit, cause they dont even care about you. they only have their own fun. its not like sec sch co. everybody gathers and bond tgt. i know its hard to gather all and whatever. but you still have to make the effort to, because you guys are the only ones that can bond everybody. but its not the case. i feel that its pathetic. to have so many different cliques in co. i very much wanted to go back, but theres no attraction for me to go back there. there will only be more conflicts i guess, so what for i go back and make everybody unhappy? doesnt make sense to me. perhaps its just fated that we will not click, i will wait for other opportunities. if there's none, i still can join other dance & sing classes. i love music, and since co's not the way out for me, then its gotta be some other way.
stop blogging for now. i need to do other things.
Update: oh yes, i frgt to mention, i bought a shoe from online shopping. its from korea. ordered and pay le. so scary. S: like to count $, think can be accountant or cashier. haha. LOL. and sometimes i wished that $ was mine. ._. but i wont resort to stealing. LOL! check this out. (:
nice right??!?!?!andandand shuhui & stef haven send me photos we've taken yet. urgh. and i keep forget to "blow" them. ._. sianded. k, gotta do other things. (:
4:40 PM
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
12 December 2009 Saturdaywth. im damn lonely tdy. cant go out either. i've got many housework to do. ): my mom's not home. ): sadded. i cant believe that im so hardworking till i woke up not long after then i start washing clothes and all. this is tiring work doing whole day long. i cannot believe this. i dont want to be a house wife, not when im just married. ._. LOL. and who knows when is that. lol.
13 December 2009 Sunday
wow. im tired enough. but still have to wake up early and go for lessons even though im sick. urgh. i just cannot write properly all the while. sometimes i realised i improved, im glad for a moment, but then the next moment, its gone. people really cannot be too happy over heels. there'll be effects later.
Learning points: You can be satisfied for yourself for a short moment, but not too long, else Lady Luck is going away from you. Especially you cannot laugh/make fun of others when seeing them in an unfortunate state, cause the next one will be you.
Anyway, i have to go out w shu later. ): im sick, but have to go cause we've dragged for far too long. and just nice, today nobody is free. not say everyone is busy, but some just dont want to come. ._. whatever. and i waited for shu v long?!?! so i went shopping at 313. i went into cotton on, cos i saw a hairstyle which im familiar with. ahhhha. LOL! really is kc siol. hahahha. so funny. i only see his top part of head la. and i knew its gotta be him. haha. so funny. went in and say hi, take a look around and bye. LOL. then went forever 21. ahahhahaa. damn nice la. and i hesitated v long whether i should queue up for e dressing room. it was not long after i decided and had join e queue for like about 5 mins, her call came. aiyo! she slow leh. haha. d: she reach when there was a few people left infront of me queuing up. ._. she went to look around. she went to 2nd floor dressing room. when i was finished, she was just about to go in. eeyer. cheater. 2nd floor people change faster as they dont have to come in and out and let bf see how's the clothes. zzz. for a moment, there's envious emotions in my mind. all the guys really just stood outside and wait. half of me was taking pity on them, and half of me envy those lucky girls.
and then she tried like 4 pieces but aint buying any. e 2 tops she say she wait for her atm come den buy. hahaha. lol. damn fortunate. paid for my jeans, (cheap!!) and then we headed for spaggedies at central. chatted and took photos. haha. omg! my face was damn fair. ._. cant even see properly la. passed her her present. eeeeyer. no good one. she's not touched leh. zz. i wonder what i do then she touched. hahaha. LOL. im sorry i cannot arrange for her surprise cos people aint free. i thot she was supposed to be much more fortunate than me, but in some ways now, i realised she's not. girl, sorry to hear that.
we met her parents at f21 again. to buy her clothes. ._. damn fast right. lol. haha. and her mom's really good to her. i dontknow whether was it because of me around or what? lol. but for e third time i wished i was born in her family as well. we then parted w her parents and went to taka and all. we had starbucks at wisma later. :o and i realised now i frgt to pass her e $$. hahahha. LOL. then we went home. was happy today. (:
15 December 2009 Tuesday
I dont why when it come to you, im very easily agitated. im tired of it. ._. especially when it comes to food. why do you have to ask me to order when you know there's a chance of me ordering wrong? i dont eat what you eat, isnt it weird for me to order something i dont know? LOL. and so, you're trying to prove that you made the right decision of ordering drinks because of the mistake i made. then just order yourself next time. It should be the guy ordering for the girl instead of girl ordering for the guy. LOL.
I dont know whats wrong with me/my character. Im just like that. Im very emotional. I dont talk when I've been used to silence. I can be angry for very long. I dont like to talk when Im sick. I dont like to take initiative, although ive tried hard to do that. Im not a very happy girl because im not very optimistic. I like to get along with people in pairs rather than a whole big group. I dont really know/like/talk about gossips/entertainment news/food. I think i can understand why im like this. is because in buddhism, its said that you dont say bad things from your mouth/dont do bad things, you will have karma. so i dont really want to gossip a lot unless i really cannot stand that someone. i dont usually watch a lot of TV/videos/movies, neither do i go crazy about idols that i would want to attend their every concert in sing /keep finding shows to keep myself occupied /take great notice about entertainment news. I think that its very tiring to keep tracking these things, when there's no benefit to me at all. About food, i cannot talk about topics regarding them because i dont eat what other carnivores/omnivores do. I thought this was supposed to be a blessing, but right now, I feel that im suffering. although in this world, i know, all livings are suffering. I really hate this world for bringing me in here. I cant wait for my life to end, seriously.
HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY, JIA QI!
2:21 PM
Thursday, December 10, 2009
5 November 2009 SaturdayI'm supposed to go out w shu later. yay. looking forward to it. cos we shall go visit the new shopping centre. and it's gonna b e first time im gg out w her, looking for her things. LOL. cos its like always me buying stuffs, and she dont buy any one. ._. LOL. and im gonna give her a surprise. lol. acty i need to stay home w my mom to pack her luggage as she's leaving for india this coming tuesday, and we havent got any time tmrw. but instead i told my mom i was gg out. ): felt guilty towards her as i couldnt help her pack, and no one will be helping her with it. ): and then we're supposed to go for meiqi's celebration ltr at night too, at butter fac. im gonna go out the whole day! im supposed to be happy, but im not as we're like some sort of arguing over that matter. its e first time we ever argue/quarrel until like that. its like a bit ridiculous when i think back again.
anyway, later in the afternoon she messaged me and ask if we could meet another day as she need do smth for her grandma. truthfully, i was upset. cause i have planned nicely for everything then suddenly need to postpone le. i cant reject her also, otherwise, she'll become a unfillial granddaughter to her grandma. that'll be my fault. i accidentally send her wrong message, and she told me, but was like kind of angry w me. but i was also angry at that point of time, so i just replied in a manner that was not very nice. ._. i know i shouldnt be upset over this. i mean its really not right for me to get upset just cos of this. but i just cant control la. ._. cos its the first time im doing this, i want to make it perfect, and make sure nothing goes wrong. but suddenly, everything has to stop. its too sudden for me. i just hope it wont happen again. or else i really dont think i have the confidence to make it well.
i shant say much about the incident over meiqi's celebration le. its not gg to do any of us good. im sorry that i couldnt go to butter fac that day.
HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY, MEIQI!
6 November 2009 Sunday
today was very busy as usual. ._. lessons and more lessons. im glad im picking up fast. but i really hate it cos i dont have enough time to practise at home. urgh~ went back to sbw w mom after lesson. partly cos can acc her and partly cos i can wake up later at sbw. hahaha! good. (: sianded. watched tv, eat, slacked, play w nephew and then finally sleep. and i hate it when i cant sleep and keep tossing & turning around. urgh~ whats wrong w me? why cant i get to sleep?!??!?!
7 November 2009 Monday
very very tired as i don have enuf sleep. /: i cant believe i just want to close my eyes in the morning!! everytime i c the com in front of me i want to sleep. ._. LOL. i nearly fell asleep la. few times i caught myself close eyes for more than 3 minutes? LOL. wonder if anyone saw. ._. i dont want VIP/sup to have bad impression of me just the 2nd wk?!?! LOL. if not i will die badly for my grades. S: sian one. slacking the whole day. been doing research, but aiya, really hard to do leh. stupid c#. hate programming. T.T i wish i could do smth i was more familiar with. sighs.
anyway, went to tamp w xq for dinner. just returned home not long after then my sis ask me go back tamp to get some other stuffs for my mom. very funny one lo. its my fault also cos my hp no batt le, den i dint bother to call my sis using xq hp. LOL. den she kept scolding me cos of that. ._. S: went there and she like kip nagging at me and asking me to pack my mom luggage w all those she buy and all. LOL. S: den i finally went home and my mom was already back from her lesson. LOL. and i repack her luggage w her. S: was damn tired la. we pack until like 12 plus one den sleep. urgh. i still have to go airport tmr. S:
8 November 2009 Tuesday
Mom's flying tdy!! ): i woke up damn early. no, my mom woke up even earlier, though she's very tired. she still got some things haven pack in. i cont sleep in a while more, then i wake up at 6. @.@ damn sleepy. have to wake up cos i know i sure ll drag time one. haha. LOL. luckily i did. faster help her w last min preparation. den we leave house. lucky go down have cab. den went in. LOL. my mom still thought wan take bus siol. when it was like already 650, and she have to reach at 720. LOL. and the luggage damn heavy. lol. how to carry siol. some more bus sure crowded one. ._. wa, this time i shocked, cos she dint reject taking cab. LOL. if not she always die also dowan take cab. even that time her leg injured also. ._. really know how to save, but she's saving those that cannot be saved. ._.
reach airport quite early. there wasnt much jam. chatted w her frens and all. i still thought there was a lot of time as we reach quite early. i planned to go off at 720+ one. but then they keep talking then haven get passport to check in all that. her good fren's daughter came to talk to me. haha. omg. she changed! LOL. finally when they gg check in, i see my hp, it was 7.37am. wa, so late. den i faster say i wan go off le. i dint hug her or ant. i just don dare. i just said bye, take careand bon voyage to her. ): when i walk away, tears were in my eyes. i dont know why. but i jus fil so sad that she's leaving. T.T I hope she'll be fine. ): now that im saying about her, i rained again. ): i really cannot imagine what my life would be if she's gone. T.T i cant sleep tonight again.
9 November 2009 Wednesday
Was really bored to do fyp la. especially my lab. walau. So many ppl. yet the lab is very quiet. when you talk, people can hear euu even though they dont sit beside you. and when you drop something everyone will turn and look around to see. LOL. this is so no life. ._. worse was that, some manager came our lab, talking to DT. then later he walk pass ray's com and see him playing games. then he got his name down. walau! scary la. i thought he was just some normal lecturer. ._. omg. and then later this guy came again. he and the other lecturer talked to justin and rozz about the competition thing. ._. justin said directly to him that he doesnt want to join competition siol. wow. that shocked me. he was so brave. omg. then they just kip persuade him to join. LOL. standard one siol. the lecturers all like want us to join. justin really already kip rejecting, but they still like forcing him to join. ._. then ltr de guy go around asking one by one, our projects and all. walau. havent come until me leh. cos jus nice go home time. but die liao la. he sure ask me tmrw la. shit. if i mention ant about doing smth related to competition, i think he sure ask me join justin group and go tgt lo. wapiang. i dono how la. ): save me!!!!
was out w ger after school. supposed to meet at 645, i kay zhua go tell her 7pm better. cos i scared i ll late. in the end i zhun zhun 6.40+ reach lo. wa piang. zzzz. den have to wait for her lo. sian leh. ._. zao zhi dao i dont change timing la. ._. sighs. wa, we chatted a lot leh. mainly she do most talking la. haha. but we really can chat a lot siol. hahaha. LOL. we v random one. any topic also can say. haha. lol. must go out w her more often! can train to talk more. (: i really need to learn a lot more things. wasted a lot of my youth already. told her i really regretted spending so much time on bfs in the past. cause i dint really have time to spend w the rest of my frens because im ignorant. im sorry to all. im changing for the better. (: i hope i can spend more time w 08ofus and other peeps that im close w. oh, and we saw sengwei just now. LOL. he waved to me, but not to her? LOL. damn weird. she kips saying its cos of her new hair style. i doubted it at first, but im beginning to believe now. LOL.
gonna sleep now. really really late. i need to work up on my proj liao. havent even started. i can bang wall liao le. sighs. supposed to sleep at 12. drag and drag again. k le. see ya.
update: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RUSSELL!
12:41 AM
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
29 November 2009 SundayThought there were lessons today. but there wasnt any today. shiok!! but then hor, no much diff la. cos i went out w my mom to K at cc. and we also had to go out early. ._. idiot one. lol. reach till there, but there wasnt alot ppl. ._. like only 2 people reached. lols. nephew was very noisy at there. S: and kept doing loads of tricks. ._. lol. anyway, ltr i went off to meet gang at orchard. i thought everybody reached already. so i walked damn fast with my heels, but then stef & ning haven come. shuhui & shan not coming. so there was only pebble and meiqi left. LOL! then i rushed down for nothing siol. lol. wow, but its really long since i saw meiqi. lols. we chatted for sometime about meiqi's recent stuffs and mine. lol. they were like damn shocked. haha. lol. waited for fn and stef for damn long. LOL. and they finally found us at gloria jeans. then i broke the news to fn and she was a bit shocked. haha. LOL. fn say weilynn one was more shocking. haha. but the other 2 say mine was more shocking. haha. lol. dont know la. haha.
anyway, we went to pastamania for dinner. pebble dint ate much as she say she's not hungry. lol. then they asked a question that i like must answer every outing. LOL. haha. really leh. haha. and then later, we went to ion. just to get stef's yami yoghurt. ._. lame right. LOL. and then later we chatted and slacked for very long outside ion. LOL. and meiqi went off first as she wasnt feeling very well. so we see her off in cab. then we went to mac and slacked some more. and and we dint watch movie!! miracle siol. ahhaa. LOL. stef and fn like want to watch movie. but, i told them i was so glad we dint went, cause i dint bring jacket!! hahahaa! lol. reached home like 12mn. ._. damn late tdy. LOL.
30 November 2009 Monday
first day of fyp today. dont have anything to do. was slacking. but didnt dare to slack too much cos scared dt say to sup. lol. anw, ltr kip go find sup but he not in. wth. LOL. idiot siol. lol. i was really sleepy cos ytd dint get enough sleep. sian. lols. anw, tdy was nephew's birthday. so went home earlier to cele a bit w him. thought can rush home on time then mom can go out for her lesson. but we were late cos xq have to go back and get stuffs. sighs. den my mom dint go le. lol. haha. guilty towards her fren cos she like already borrow the mp3, but she dint use until. then now she nvr go for lesson, which means her fren cannot use the mp3. LOL. whatever la. im very tired. but cannot sleep well cos of my nephew. urgh.
Happy birthday to yuxian. (:
1 December 2009 Tuesday
second day. finally found my sup in office. lol. asked him what to do. he say he dont know he got fyp student under him. ._. and then later he say he dont really have proj for me. then asked me to join the imaginecup competition, then use that as my proj. LOL! he must be mad. at first i ask him can dont join, he just ask me to see the details of the competition first. later i ask again, he say, cannot, must choose one category. die liao lo. ._. wth. im having headache for whole of afternoon. forehead a bit hot, but dont think im having a fever. LOL. then went home w xq. then later we went out for movie at tamp. lols. was very rush for this movie as we were late. LOL. but went in to cinema, they still having advertisement. ._. then we like so rush for nth. LOL. anw, the show is damn nice. (though i cry a lot, i think its the first show i ever cried so much) finished at like 1130, reach home is like 12mn again. its just the first 2 days of fyp yet im tired like hell.
Happy 19th Birthday to Shu Hui! (:
2 December 2009 Wednesday
getting slacker and slacker each day. i have done nth except like fb, hotmail and msn. LOL. i really hate that imaginecup thing la. making my head spin. and i really dont know what to do cause cannot be i alone join competition. but the others also having fyp. they also have their own project. i think its very hard to gather people. ._. sighs. i dont know how la. went to find sup again. he say cannot. 2 options : either join competition in either the three categories, or do a game design project, related to imaginecup. LOL! then whats the difference of dont join? still have to do related to it one. ._. then like might as well go join. lolllll. very funny. sighs. always headache when thinking about the competition. go die la.
2:18 PM